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Posts Tagged ‘committment’

Commitment. I can’t think of my commitment to jiu jitsu beyond the next class. When I do think to far ahead, I worry that I may not be able to do it for the next seven years. I’m going to be honest, this is tough. I get frustrated because life isn’t a straight line. There are other commitments, family and work. I really wanted to go to jiu jitsu this week but because of my kids, last week of summer vacation, no summer camp, and illiness of my daughter, I had to stay home.

When I am there, at the dojo, I leave all my problems in the parking lot, and focus on the practice. For that hour I’m there, I am thankful to not think of bills, bad relationships, debt, and other issues. Since I work at home, I have an opportunity to chat. Before, I was spending a lot of time in isolation.

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This week, I recovered from a bad flu.   I don’t want to bring sickness to the school.   Even though I had the flu and minor injuries, I am not happy with my mental toughness.  I am mentally weak.   I have been avoiding the sparring class and the throw class.    What is it? Fear of competition? Fear of total committment?  Fear of meeting new people? Fear of losing?   I am embarrassed but it is the truth.

Also, I am playing the belt game.  When am I getting the next stripe?   I got to stop this.   I did that with judo.  It created a lot of anxiety and negativity.  “Oh, I should be promoted, I won such and such tournament.”  The truth is a belt is nothing more than color, cotton, and thread.  The belt is the representation  of your mental knowledge.  So, do I really want to be falsely promote?  No, I don’t.  When the professor’s are ready, they will promote me or give me the stripe that I deserve.  I am in a rush to no where.

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